Concord Academy’s administration was taken aback by the Community Service club’s latest announcement, sources report. The club, which has recently undertaken the challenging task of Sudbury river cleanup, was surprised when boxes of books washed up downstream from CA campus. Further investigation revealed the books had been ritualistically cast away by some horrible do-no-gooders, who remain on the lam.

“We were shocked. Obviously, we didn’t even suspect it could be CA students,” commented the administration, to whom the discovery was reported by the club’s coheads. “This student body is better than that.” A recent study has demonstrated that the average CA student reads roughly half an extracurricular-book per month. Shocking, indeed.

Investigators went on to uncover fingerprints on the plastic covers of each novel. A forensics team found the prints to match not just students, but perhaps even dozens of faculty as well. None, however, were found within the pages themselves.

But what, detectives questioned, could possibly explain this ritualistic book sacrifice? Though obscured by polluted river water, there was no doubt that the print across each cover read The Other Wes Moore. It is doubtful at best that students, let alone faculty, would even dare discard of a book so fittingly labeled a common read. Further, a study of the river’s currents reveals the sacrifice to have taken place before the assembly on March 7. This is nonsensical, considering the fruitful discussions in which advisory groups engaged over The Other Wes Moore’s contents during said assembly. What these contents are, I cannot say.

Students appeared to be as equally perplexed and horrified as their school’s administration. One, a sophomore, despaired, “How could this be? I am livid. That book was deeply moving, and I found its message to align beautifully with the mission statement.” The student requested to remain off-the-record when asked to provide a brief summary for context’s sake.

Though the case remains open and unsolved, and the culprits go day after day unpunished, hope remains yet. The administration has sworn to buy each community member a waterproof copy of The Other Wes Moore to supplement this devastating loss. What more, the school has funded upwards of four hundred iPads to display rounds of Subway Surfers as each student rereads. This ingenious solution connects to the lessons taught by the novel in the following ways: